Thanks to the Chronicle on Higher Education [HT: Division of Labor] a great list of student excuses. Here are some: 

• I had a student who needed to be excused because she was donating her eggs to her aunt. I’m 99 percent sure it was legit, however. Who would make something like that up?
• “I’m not interested in the subject of this seminar, and therefore unlikely to answer an essay or exam question on it. I didn’t really see the point in bothering to prepare for it.”
• My favorite excuse from a student for “why I didn’t do my homework” was “because I was bitten by a shark.” He was a surfer, and his hand was bandaged up, too. It was nasty!
• A student vanishes for three weeks with no word. At the midterm, he shows up, takes the test, and sticks around after to chat. He tells me he got “crabs, but not from … you know. You see, I bought this old mattress” and “I didn’t want to accidentally infect anyone in the class.”
• “You haven’t seen me before, but I’m in this class. I’m taking 24 credit hours this quarter because I’m trying to graduate. I just wanted to let you know. It’s just that your class is my lowest priority right now. I have a direct time conflict, and the other class is more interesting. Is that going to be a problem?”
• “Sorry I missed class, professor, but I had to stay with my girlfriend while she was getting her hair cut.”

The article points to a wonderful blog — rateyourstudents.blogspot.com — with more to delight academic teachers. Here is another set on excuses, for example, and on the dream student.